This study in Revelation is so time consuming alone, there just doesn’t seem time to blog about it. I was really hoping to. So, I will be doing some serious time management, prioritizing and determining ways to simplify.

I don’t want to be so busy that I run from one thing to the next; stressing about all the things I need to do. I currently have two blogs; one is my homeschool blog and this one, I use as an online bible journal.

Hmmmm…what to cut out?? What to continue?? I will be giving it some serious thought and prayer.

I’m excited about what we have planned this year. You can check out our planned curriculum in the upper right side of this web page. I’m still working on filling it in and have found a few things that will need to be changed after our first day. I’m sure I’ll be adjusting as we go along as well.

So back to blogging and hoping friends and family will follow along in all our fun adventures and learning experiences. I know we will be busy and my hope is to keep up the blogging at least two times during the week.

This morning I woke up thinking about my Aunt and this horrible disease –cancer–that she is suffering through. I came across the above quote from a cancer blog I was reading and can really relate to what this gal is saying.

However, I got to thinking about the part about prayer being useless and at first agreed with her, thinking… it is God who decides how long we live, so why pray? Then I was reminded WHY we pray.

Prayer is not always for the physical healing or the desperate plea to live longer. Prayer is useful and necessary for many reasons. It serves as a preparation for that which we don’t understand, those things we don’t see coming, prepares us for the spiritual healing God has prepared for ALL those involved, and even prepares us for death.

But most importantly, from prayer we get strength and grace and it teaches us how to finish well.What does that mean…finish well? How does God say we began this journey of life? The Bible says we began with an intimate relationship with Him. We were created to worship God and sometimes the difficulties of life cause us to forget why we are even here. Our purpose is to know, love, and communicate with God. Prayer is our access to this very special gift of loving and being loved by our Father.

Our body is just a shell, a temporary home for our spirit. It is going to get old and worn out and sometimes diseased, but we are called to know Him and seek Him in every circumstance, in the very place you are in this brief moment of life on earth. I’m so glad my Aunt loves Jesus! And she knows her pain and misery won’t last forever.

I have watched this video at least a half a dozen times and each time I watch it I get teary eyed. At first, My sadness came from seeing how cruel and heartless the audience and judges were, humiliating and laughing at this person they thought was so different from them.

Then as I watched the video over and over my tears then became tears of joy; thankful for our God who is so faithful. He was faithful in giving Susan the desire of her heart. As church volunteer, someone who sings in the church choir and evidence of a humble heart, she obviously puts God first in her life. He gave her the desire of her heart, a desire to sing in front of a large group turned out to be a group of millions.

The laughter and ridicule she experienced is being turned into blessings, blessings from her faithful God.

I think Susan is God’s example to all of us, of a person who is truly humble, a person who steps out in faith and puts God first.

Psalms 37:4-5 Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass

This week was spring break and I had five teenagers here. Of the five, four were cousins and one was my son Aaron who is 17, then in addition to that was my other son Kyle who is 7 and he had one of his friends over a couple of days.

I can’t forget about Samantha who is 3 months old. (My brother’s baby that I watch during the week) So a total of eight children I had throughout the week…..I love having all the kids at my house–absolutely LOVE it, but it can be challenging with the age differences

I’ve enjoyed having the cousins come year after year (and they are great kids)–they come either during spring break or during the summer break. Like I said, with the age differences it’s challenging to make everyone happy.

My older son wants to hang out with the cousins (they are all fairly close in age) without little brother hanging around. Kyle, the youngest, adores his older brother and cousins and wants to be included in the activities.

So, I find myself TRYING to make everyone happy the whole visit. I do my best to make it fair and let the older boys go and hang out together without Kyle and then make it fair for Kyle, allowing him some time here and there with his brother and cousins.

It’s so hard because every time, Kyle gets his feelings hurt due to insensitive comments coming from his older brother. By the end of the visits I feel so exhausted I find myself at the end of my rope, angry with my own children. Mostly the older one.

One of the issues during this visit was the Xbox games being played. In my home I don’t allow certain games to be played. I don’t think it’s necessary to play the violent games, and it’s certainly not appreciate for my 7 year old. The games brought into the home, belonged to the cousins. I didn’t know about these games until the second or third day of the visit.

So my reinforcing the rule of no “violent games” only made matters worse, but I believe family rules should not change just because you have guests. I know there are those who don’t agree with me and think it’s ok to allow these harsh video games into their children’s minds. But God brings to mind this scripture……

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Thank God next week is a new week, I will miss the cousins, but I’m looking forward to getting back to a normal schedule.

Ashley also suggests setting a timer for internet use. This would be a great idea for me….that way I could get to bed earlier and wouldn’t feel the need to stay in bed longer–hitting that snooze button.

Thanks Ashley for the great ideas.

All of our suffering put together can’t compare to the suffering He went through.

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands, crafted
into your perfect plan
You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I’m captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know you’re drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Chorus:
Take me, Mould me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand

You gently call me into your presence guiding me by your holy spirit
teach me dear lord to live through your eyes
I’m captured by you holy calling
set me apart, I know your drawing me to yourself
lead me lord i pray

Repeat Chorus

As I’ve stated in previous posts on this blog I’ve struggled with confidence throughout my life. Deep down confidence. As I’ve also stated…God, for years has continued to walk me through this weakness. He is so patient and I guess He’ll continue to speak over and over until I fully get it.

Confidence..confidence… this has been my burden. I know…my identity is in Him–Jesus.. He is my confidence. He keeps telling me so.
You know how others struggle with alcoholism, or gambling, or pornography or other things….Well, confidence has been the area I’ve struggled with. It may not seem as bad as the others listed, but it is a lack of faith and it has kept be bound in certain areas. God word says…..

Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

I have functioned day to day and most people wouldn’t know I’ve had this problem. Maybe It’s not all that unusual, but it has kept me from moving further into what God has planned for me.

On one hand I know God has called me to serve Him in ministry, but on the other hand I’ve felt so unworthy, incapable, and withdrawn.. I’ve wanted to overcome this, and at the same time there have been moments when I haven’t– because I’m afraid of what God will ask me to do. This has been deep stuff within me..Not sure if I really want others to know this about me. But this is my journal….so I write it.

OK, so here’s what I do know, or what I know God word tells me…..

I am a child of God, I was chosen by Him, Greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world, all things are possible for those who believe…

I am sitting still tonight, pausing as I write..to hear God’s voice… this is what I hear:
(this is for myself and all those who struggle with confidence)

You are my child whom I am well pleased. I have brought you out of a time in your life to a place where I’d have you to be now. This is my voice, my hand reached out to you, I will be your confidence, your strength, your shelter from the wicked, I will bring you out as a flower blooms in the sun. You are my orchid. Do not listen to the words of the enemy, who will come and say this is not your God who speaks. For it is I who speak and loves and cherishes you my child.

Go forth, Go forth, this has been my word for you. It’s is your time, come out from within and trust in me your God. I will reveal to you my heart and your destination. Stay close to me, and I will give you wisdom.

This life is not about me; I should however, allow God use me as He sees fit. It’s really about all those who are hurting and lost and don’t know God’s love. I do know this.. and I am so thankful God has been with me all my life taking me through some hard stuff. Boy, am I thankful and amazed.

But there are those He’s still drawing to Him and He counts on those of us who already know Him. To bring them into a knowledge of Christ Jesus. I guess these areas we struggle in are the areas that make us real and approachable to be used by God.

Thank you Jesus for the hard times in the past, for the ongoing lessons you teach me. This is what makes me count on you, what makes me just like everyone else in this world who struggles with weaknesses. As I hear you say over and over….you are my strength! My hiding place…you are my Father whom I can count on.

Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:
Hebrews 10:35–36

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end, Hebrews 3:14

“let the weak say, I am strong.” (Joel 3:10)

We are waiting on you Lord, we are hopeful and it is painful and hard to be patient sometimes, we will be obedient and we won’t be afraid. We will worship you Lord, but even while we wait we WILL run the race, we will continue to serve you

As I pray and spend more time seeking Jesus, I pray it will create a habit in me; not just for these 40 days. That I will daily seek his direction, his special word, blessing, and anointing.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

Nehemiah 1:4 “. . . when I heard these words, I sat down and wept, and mourned certain days, and fasted, and prayed before the God of heaven.”

Nehemiah 9: 1-3 “. . . the children of Israel were assembled with fasting . . . and stood and confessed their sins . . . and read in the book of the law of the Lord their God one fourth part of the day; and another fourth part they confessed, and worshipped the Lord their God.”

Daniel 9:3, 20 “And I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplication, with fasting . . . and while I was speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel, and presenting my supplication . . .”

Joel 2:12 “. . . turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning.”

Jonah 3:8, etc. “For word came unto the king … and he caused it to be proclaimed and published … saying, Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste any thing: let them not feed, nor drink water: But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God … Who can tell if God will … turn away from his fierce anger … And God saw …”

Luke 2:37 “And she was a widow of about 44 years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fasting and prayers night and day.”

Acts 9:9, 11 “And he was three days without sight, and neither did eat nor drink.”

Acts 10:30 “Four days ago I was fasting until this hour; and at the ninth hour I prayed in my house, and, behold, a man stood before me in bright clothing.”

Acts 13:2 “As they ministered to the Lord, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said . . .”

Acts 14:23 “And when they had ordained them elders in every church, and had prayed with fasting, they commended them to the Lord . . .”

I Corinthians 7:5 “. . . that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer . . .”

I’ve been spending each night in prayer from 7:00-8:00 at my Pastor’s blog for live video prayer. It has been so popular; people are coming together lifting each other up in prayer and agreeing for God’s healing touch and guidance.

We are all fasting in our church during these 40 days, believing for specific answers and for specific people we have written on a personal list. Most of all we desire for God to move in us and around us. We know God has called all of us believers to draw close to Him, to seek His face at this very moment. Thank you Jesus for the privilege to be in your presence.

IT’S AN AWESOME PLACE TO BE!